Bag Lady Syndrome

The first time I heard about bag lady syndrome was from Martha Beck.

It’s the fear that no matter how much money you have, you are going to lose it all, become destitute and end up being a bag lady living under the highway pushing around all of your belongings in a shopping cart.

Let me stress that it doesn’t matter how much money you have. 
I have coached women with millions of dollars who wake up at night in fear of losing it all and living on the streets.

You can try to fix this phenomenon with budgets and spreadsheets and plans, but that’s not what bag lady syndrome is about.

It’s about feeling out of control.
It’s about not feeling safe.

Bag lady syndrome is about fear and scarcity.
It’s largely an irrational fear but it feels very real.

I know because I spent the majority of my life with some version of bag lady syndrome.

It’s quite dramatic and feels like the truth.

And yet, I don’t know a single peer who has lost everything and had to live on the street.

My intellectual mind knows that such a fall is unlikely.
But the part of me that is animal thinks there is danger.
The primal part of me thinks there isn’t enough.

It thinks there is uncertainty in the world of finance and life as I know it could disappear in an instant.

One of our base fears is feeling unsafe.

How do you feel safer about money?

It’s how you feel safe in general.

​​​​​​​Do what you would to calm a small child.
Start by swaddling yourself.
(This is, after all, a primal fear.)

Take a deep breath and tell yourself the truth: The truth is you will be able to figure it out.

Write down what you would do if you lost everything.
You have the answer inside you.

Experts say that when women worry about money they are worried about safety.
Men, not as much.

That rings true to me.

There is no “Bag Man Syndrome”.
Men think they can figure money out.

That clue can help women too.

Look for evidence in your life that you can figure money out.
MAKE some evidence for yourself that you can figure money out.

That’s the good work.
That’s the magic.

That’s what I help women do every day.