Feeling Worthy

I have been on a long journey during this pandemic with supply chain issues.
It’s a journey to buy a new car.
The dealer says it is finally coming in May.
Or June.

What’s interesting is that my mother-in-law said, “Ellen, you deserve it.”

Which hit me funny.
Because there are probably a lot of people who deserve a new car more than me.
I haven’t saved anyone’s life. I am not a first responder. I am not inventing new vaccines.

I do not find that being deserving directly correlates with who gets material things.

My car is 25 years old, and I have been saving for the new one the last 23 years.
I squirrel a little away each month.
Because I wait so long to buy new things it feels REALLY GOOD when I get something new.

That’s neither good nor bad.
That’s just how I roll.

But I don’t think I deserve a new car.
New shiny things are not tied to my self worth.

I just think it’s time.

I have the means and I want it.

And that is enough.