How much are you willing to pay to avoid being uncomfortable? $5,000? $10,000? $100,000?
Because that’s exactly what you are doing if you avoid asking for a raise because you are worried what your boss will say.
In a different way, I realized that’s what I have been doing all week. I did an experiment a year ago and moved some investments into managed accounts and now I am going to move them back out into accounts I manage.
So, my financial planner won’t be making any money… or nearly as much… from my accounts.
I have been avoiding signing up for a meeting with him.I am worried about how he will try to talk me into staying.
I am worried he will suggest a different kind of investment that I will have to research… putting off the change.
None of the results will hurt me mentally or physically. (Although my reptilian brain is trying to convince me of exactly that.)
Underneath it all, what I am really trying to avoid is a physical sensation in my body.
I am trying to avoid a sour tension in my stomach and a tight neck.
I am trying to avoid the physical sensation that goes with anxiety and shame.
But when I take a breath and think about it, it’s not that bad.
It’s just a physical sensation that lasts for maybe 90 seconds.
I am happy to feel that discomfort for a few minutes to make/save tens of thousands of dollars in the long run.
Sounds like a good trade-off.
Let me go schedule that discomfort so I can feel rich.
What happens when people are operating on the belief that some people are better than others?
That’s why we have bullies.
That’s why some people drink.
We compare and despair.
We feel like we are not enough.
Or that other people are stupid.
None of that feels very good.
What is another belief that we could operate on that would feel better?
I like the idea that we are all part of one energetic force. We are all connected.
It reminds me of a blog post I wrote a dozen years ago about Jill Bolte Taylor, the neuroscientist who had a stroke and watched herself lose her sense of individuality. She is an incredible storyteller.
You can watch her TedTalk here.
It’s one of my favorites.
But we don’t have to lose the use of half of our brain to experience the world differently. We can try out different ideas.
What belief would make sense to you AND make you feel good?
This morning I have been hyper focused on making sure a bunch of projects with hundreds of details come together.
I felt stressed about having enough time and money to do everything the way I want.
As often happens, I ran across this quote just as I needed it. Doctor, shaman and coach, Sarah Seidelman shared…
“In many shamanic societies, if you came to a medicine person complaining of being disheartened, dispirited, or depressed, they would ask one of four questions:
“When did you stop dancing?
When did you stop singing?
When did you stop being enchanted by stories?
When did you stop being comforted by the sweet territory of silence?”
-Gabrielle Roth
Just asking myself theses questions feels like healing to me.