Thursday I moved my Mom into a memory care room.
It’s in the healthcare center of Sharon Towers, where she has lived the last three years.
It was expected.
That’s how Alzheimer’s rolls.
Slow and steady with fits and spurts along the way.
I could choose to make up stories about how Alzheimer’s is stealing my mother away from me.
I could dwell on the story that any day now she won’t know who I am.
But that’s not my reality.
My story that is true or truer than those painful stories is that I am glad my mother is being released from the rules she had about herself.
She doesn’t feel the need to skip sweets.
She has forgotten to worry about money.
My reality is that I am a rock star in her mind because I can find the bathroom when she can’t.
I can turn on the TV, and even change channels.
She wants me around and relies on me.
And I love that I get to return the favor since she spent all those years raising me.
I don’t feel delusional.
I feel a deep connection with my mother and myself.
What story do you choose to think about your challenges?
Don’t flinch. I am going to use the word… energy.
I have always steered away from coachy terms, but I find myself drawn more and more to the concept of energy.
It’s like the term nuclear. There is no other single word for it.
Energy can sound like it is made up or mystical.
“I feel an energy around us.”
Or, “There is an energy field around that alien space ship.”
But here is how I use the word energy…
When you think about going from nothing to something, it takes energy.
Whether it’s starting a project,
starting an exercise program,
changing from doing nothing about your hair to straightening it every morning…
each takes energy.
When you meet someone and know they are a walking, talking big ball of love (or that they are evil) you have a sense of it because of their energy.
Energy is tension.
Energy is how you hold yourself and your tone of voice.
Energy is something you can’t see,
but you can see its effect on everything and everyone.
It’s not woo-woo to notice that someone else’s energy is dangerous.
We do that all the time when we make friends or avoid people.
It’s called being savvy.
I am going to use the term energy to describe the unique combination of physical sensations and emotions you perceive at any given time.
So, I am going to start using the term when I am getting too up in my head about things.
When I seem stuck in a cycle of worry.
I am going to take a breath and ask myself, “What sort of energy am I creating right now?”
Using the word energy gives credence to your inner animal.
Some professors say that 93% of the information you take in is non-verbal.
Let’s tap into all that knowledge.
Er, I mean energy.
I have been on a long journey during this pandemic with supply chain issues.
It’s a journey to buy a new car.
The dealer says it is finally coming in May.
Or June.
What’s interesting is that my mother-in-law said, “Ellen, you deserve it.”
Which hit me funny.
Because there are probably a lot of people who deserve a new car more than me.
I haven’t saved anyone’s life. I am not a first responder. I am not inventing new vaccines.
I do not find that being deserving directly correlates with who gets material things.
My car is 25 years old, and I have been saving for the new one the last 23 years.
I squirrel a little away each month.
Because I wait so long to buy new things it feels REALLY GOOD when I get something new.
That’s neither good nor bad.
That’s just how I roll.
But I don’t think I deserve a new car.
New shiny things are not tied to my self worth.
I just think it’s time.
I have the means and I want it.
And that is enough.