Usually this time of year I would write this blog post offering you holiday gift ideas that aren’t “stuff”.
Give the gift of experiences.
Make it about the meaning, not the money.
Let the clutter go.
Yada, yada, yada.
So I started my list.
And then I stopped.
Because my usual gift buying enthusiasm is on vacation this year.
This year all of the rules have gone out the window.
Up is down.
I just don’t feel dialed in.
Gifts… no gifts… whatever.
This year I am looking for a way to connect with people.
I feel a bit disconnected.
I am looking for a way to pick myself up and slog through another day in spite of the days looking shockingly alike.
Day after day.
Week after week.
I want an emotional defibrillation.
I’m not in the holiday spirit.
And that’s okay.
Because getting through a difficult time doesn’t always look pretty.
I’m not depressed.
But I’m not clicking my heels either.
A part of me feels like it would be ridiculous to put on my Pollyanna face, smile, deck the halls and ignore all of the death and isolation and financial downslide.
And yes, I know that this is just a part of the cycle.
Life has seasons.
And this is winter.
Both literally and figuratively.
So I’m not feeling jolly.
Hey – I have no problem if you are enjoying the heck out of Christmas.
But I’m in neutral.
And that feels right for me right now.
That feels natural right now.
Neutral with glimpses of happy.
And if you want an idea about what to give for Christmas, buy your loved ones a subscription to Hulu. Or a psychic reading. Or give them a Zoom lesson on baking bread.
Go connect and spread your dazzling self around. You are a beacon.
Visions of sugar plums and all that.
But if what you need is to lay down and watch an episode of the Queen’s Gambit instead of adding one more item to your Amazon cart, then do it.
It’s a down cycle.
It’s the yang to the yin.
And that’s okay.
It’s the choices we repeatedly make that determine our wealth.
It’s the choices we repeatedly make that determine our wealth.
Repeated choices.
If you are like most people, you think I’m talking about overspending.
You think about the Hulu subscription that seems so little per month, but adds up over time.
You think about the barre class membership that you bought and never use and still haven’t canceled even though they aren’t even open during the pandemic. Because, you know, you really mean to go some day.
You are quick to beat yourself up or look for fault in yourself.
But I want to offer you this:
You can make choices repeatedly that align with what you value in life.
Repeated choices CAN help you build money.
I repeatedly choose to pay my power bill.
And I am delighted to pay so little for so much.
My power bill pays for lights and air conditioning and running my computer.
I repeatedly choose to save for my retirement.
I delight in seeing my interest compound and multiply.
I get excited seeing the growth.
Repeated choices can drain your wealth
AND repeated choices can create wealth.
Most people forget the second one.
It’s your choice.
In both cases.
What feeling do you think more stuff is going to give you?
Happiness?
Fulfillment?
Superiority?
Relief?
Think about what you have been desiring.
For me it’s a new car.
Guys, I want a new car.
If I’m really being truthful with myself, I need a new car but what I really want is the feeling I think I will get when I buy the car.
I think I will feel accepted and admired.
If I buy the car that says, “I’ve made it!” then I think I will admired by other people.
Admired by friends and even people I don’t know.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to feel admired.
But in my case it’s a double-edged sword.
I also feel a little embarrassed about wanting an expensive, posh car.
Which means I can’t win.
I could buy the car and feel admired (maybe… that’s all conjecture on my part) and embarrassment (that’s for sure because I’m already feeling it.)
Or I could not buy it and feel deprived.
“I could have enjoyed the good life, but I’m not (wop, wop).”
But here’s the rub:
It’s not whether I buy it or not that causes pain.
It’s what I am making it mean that feels crappy.
The only thing standing in my way is what I am thinking about having the car.
Embarrassment and admired vs. deprived.
I could choose to think thoughts that don’t cause embarrassment.
Like, “Everyone will love it for me that I can afford to buy a fancy car.”
Or, “I am an example of what is possible.”
I could choose to think thoughts that make me feel abundant, not deprived.
Like “Abundant people buy what they truly want.”
Or “It’s society that makes a diamond seem valuable or a Rolls Royce mean I’m important. I’m valuable and important without a diamond or a car.
”
So, if I can buy any car… thrifty or posh… and feel awesome about it, which one should I buy?
(This is where your money baggage starts bubbling up.)
I’ll let you know what I decide.