I have been a really good money coach for myself during the pandemic. 

I have been really chill about seeing the stock market go down. 

I have been Zen as I pay the bills and watch our safety buffer dwindle as the months go by.  

No worries… I play the long game… I’ve got killer money confidence… we’re all good.

Then I sent my daughter to her annual doctor visit for the first time on her own.
It went well. I asked her about it and it all sounded good.
I was a breezy, hands-off Mom-about-town.

Then she stopped in the doorway and said, “Oh, and Quenton said to say hi.”

That’s so nice. I love Quentin, the man who draws blood for testing. He always makes me laugh so hard.

Wait… What?!? You had tests?

“Call Quentin and ask what tests you had!!!!!! You already had $3,000 of tests done! Insurance won’t pay twice! Why are you still standing here? We could be out big money. Call the other doctor. Write it all down!!!!”

I am not proud that my daughter had her hands on her face like the Caulkin kid did in Home Alone. That’s never a good sign. She was obviously distressed.

And here I thought I was so handling it all.

I hate that I upset my daughter.
But I love that I uncovered another painful money belief.

Because once the excavation is done, I can hold that belief up to the light and decide if it’s worth holding on to that fear.

I have been burned in the past numerous times by insurance companies. So I know where this fear comes from.

But the fear is not mandatory.

There is a difference between knowing why I am such a hot mess (and continuing to have these kind of melt downs), and learning from my failures and become wiser and calmer.

I want to tame the freak out.

I am working towards learning and changing with each freaky, embarrassing, bad mothering thing I do.

And just by noticing that I am overreacting to possible insurance problems… taking the watcher’s view… helps me do better next time.

How do you eat an elephant?: One bite at a time.

How you change the freak out?: One thought at a time.

I’m spending a lot of money right now.

I think I have found a doctor who is uncovering the real cause of my daughter’s chronic health problems.

That makes it easy to spend.

She has found 20+ toxins and molds that are in my daughter’s body.

And now I am spending money on expensive HEPA filtered vacuums and air scrubbers.

We are buying all new natural cleaning supplies and personal care products.

New eCloths to clean the house without chemicals.

And I just spent $36 on two pounds of chicken from a farm that meets all of our health coach’s standards for organic meat.

Then there are the thousands and thousands of dollars on testing and doctor visits.

I am sure there are many more bills to come.

And all this during a pandemic that put my husband out of work.

But spending money on health is a no-brainer.

Why?
Because it’s my kid.
It’s the difference between her finally being able to go to school or get a job versus lying at home in bed crying because she can’t be out with her friends.

I think most people would do the same thing in my situation.
Because saving our kids is our top priority.

It’s easy to know whether to spend or not when you have your priorities prioritized.

The trick is to set your priorities ahead of time.

You may prioritize a new dress over trying a new mascara.
Or you may prioritize a trip over a newer car.
There is no right or wrong answer.

You may think you want it all, period. 

You want to pay your monthly bills, fund your retirement, do things to stay healthy and have some extras like your friends have.
All of it, Ellen, all of it.

But there’s always an inner priority system.

It’s fascinating to figure out what it is you truly want.
And why.

Doing it ahead of time takes out the drama.

It’s just you doing you.

Then when the times comes to make some tough choices, you’ve got your own back.

What do you want?

Make your list.
Then put it in order.

Just seeing how your brain justifies everything is fascinating.

​​​​​​​It’s you exploring you.

That’s your homework. 

I hadn’t talked with my college roommate, Tami, in probably a decade. I’m the one who keeps in touch. It’s just not her thing. So when the pandemic locked us down, I started a zoom gathering every week with my sorority sisters. Tami really hasn’t participated in our group activities for over 25 years, so I figured it was time to track her down. 

I used all my super sleuth skills and found her. (Luckily, her sister had quintuplets, and lived in Colorado, so through Googling that, I followed the names and threads until I found Tami in a remote part of Idaho! 

In that first phone call, I found out she helps people save money.
I said I would be interested in hearing about it, and after a month or two of catching up, she invited me to an informational online presentation. 

By now you have guessed that her business involves multi level marketing.

What I learned from that presentation is this:
I don’t spend money like other people. 
There’s no right or wrong way to spend. There is just spending.

But there wasn’t a single thing they mentioned where you could save money that I was in the market for.
 I’m not in the market for diamond rings, insurance, flooring, windows, cell phone service, furniture, or a bevy of other awesome things. 

It made me take a look at myself.

Am I missing out on the American dream? (I am still waiting for my engagement ring. But after 25 years I think chances are slim.)

Should I be buying new furniture and stuff?
What I think I have figured out is this:

I want meaning with my stuff.

Because in case you think I lead a minimalist’s life, you would be wrong.

We have only ever bought one new piece of furniture, and it was this year, and it was a couch. The couch before that had been my Grandmother’s and I knew its history.She had it recovered in 1977 with a fabric that was so industrial it hurt your face to nap on it.I recovered the cushions in cool coordinating fabrics over the years, so it was in part my own creation… a combined creative endeavor with my Grandmother even though she isn’t here to appreciate it. (I know she would.) 

There are the living room chairs I love ithat we first saw at an eclectic bar and restaurant… Tupelo Honey… where I admired them. And my boyfriend at the time (now my husband) went back later and bought them from the restaurant and surprised me with them. Swoon. 

I could go on, but you get the idea. I buy our insurance from a man who, with a quiet generosity of spirit, helped my son through the Eagle Scout process. I never knew what he did for a living but heard from mutual friends he was in insurance. So I sought him out because of his character, and his company has that same character.
They take care of me. 

For me, it’s about the meaning.

Sure, there are times I run out and buy an air purifier without being in love with it. And my way of buying takes more time and sometimes more effort. 

But I’m not doing it because I should; I do it because that brings me joy. 

It turns my “stuff” into stories.It brings another layer of depth to my life. For other people, it would be torture to think that much about a purchase.
And that’s okay too. 

What I want to suggest is trying it a different way.

I am planning to buy some things on my list with very little planning or attachment.I want to see how that feels.
 I think it will feel a little frivolous in a good way.
And a bit out of control.
Which could be good too.

We’ll see how it feels. 

If you spend without much thought, try making your next purchase one that goes a little deeper into the fabric of who you are. Or if you are like me, try buying or doing something everyone else is trying.

It’s a spending experiment.

t’s about being present with how money leaves your life and what you are really getting in exchange. 

See you at the checkout!