My furnace broke.

My car broke and the repair was more than the value of the car.

The tree in the backyard needed to come down or risk killing my family. (To the tune of $8,000.)

My daughter needed a specialist at $10,000. (Not covered by insurance, of course.)

My property tax was set to go up 88%.

Two hurricanes revealed that I need repairs on my expensive slate roof. (Over, gulp, $10,000.)

And I decided not to take it out on the small businessmen.

In the past I would have visibly shown my fear.

As the arborist told me the number to take down my favorite tree, I would have flinched when he told me it was going to cost me $8,000.

OK, more than flinched.

I would have taken some deep breaths, picked up my chin from the ground and said I needed to figure out if I could do it.

If I could afford it.

Underneath I used to have the thought that these guys were trying to gouge me.

There are no printed prices for services like these, so it always seems like they are coming up with the highest price they think they can get away with.

And I live in an elite zip code.

In my early adulthood people had taken pity on me when I bought my first house and was fixing it up on my own.  Men who were extremely kind to me worked out a trade or found a way to give me a discount.

One man even lent me his truck for the weekend so I could haul away the old roof.

No strings attached.

These were true acts of kindness.

But I used them as evidence that I couldn’t afford it and I needed help.

“I can’t afford this.”

That doesn’t sound bad.
That might even sound good and protective.

Although it was exactly the opposite.

After all, I’m not carelessly spending.
I wasn’t going to buy trinkets and bonbons without thinking it through.

But here is what my freaking out and grimacing does to the businessman:

It makes talking about money feel bad.

These businessmen and women are trying to run a business and make a living for their family.

They are telling me what it will cost for their services.

And when they feel uncomfortable with my reaction and discount their services, theyaren’t feeling abundant and at the top of their game.

Somewhere underneath they are feeling gouged.
Huh.

Sort of full circle, isn’t it?

It doesn’t feel good when I am upset about these costs.
I’m sure they don’t feel good when I am acting robbed and attacked.

So I decided to change things.

Here is what I did about all of these unexpected expenses…

I did a little research ahead of time so I wasn’t expecting a price that was a lot lower than was realistic.

Then, I decided to not have a reaction in front of the man who was telling me the price. 

I didn’t look in pain.  
But also, I didn’t look cavalier… like I didn’t care.  That wasn’t the truth either.

I decided to look neutral… matter of fact.

To accomplish that look successfully, I examined my thoughtsabout all of these unexpected expenses and decided to focus on the ones that felt abundant.

I felt justified to feel freaked out. 

But I didn’t chooseto feel freaked out.
I didn’t focus on freaked out.

I chose to think that I have many resourcesto pay for these things I wanted.

I want to have a furnace that works.

I am gratefulfor a furnace that works.

I WANT to payfor someone to fix my furnace. I was really hot.  Over 100 degrees. (It was the part of the furnace that runs the A/C.)

I am grateful that I have enough knowledgeabout trees to have this grand one taken down at the end of its life and not risk my family’s lives. 

It’s a really big tree. It could get us all in one fall.

I am grateful for the running waterto take a bath.
I am grateful for the fact that we have indoor plumbing.  An outhouse would be a bummer.

I am most grateful that I have done my emotional money work ahead of time, 
and I don’t feel deprived when I save for these types of emergencies.

I am thankful for this incredible work I do and the ability to feel calm and abundant in the face of mounting bills.

I could be justified to feel incredibly upset.
I could even think that it might help to bring the price down if I show that I am shaken up by the price.
But I choose to think of what brings me peace while running my life.

I choose to act in a way that I would want to be treated as an independent businesswoman.

That keeps me in my integrity.
And that feels good.

I know I won’t always be successful at hiding my sticker shock, but happily I’m a constant work in progress.

If the answer is no, then something you are doing, thinking, or feeling is in opposition to creating the wealth you want in your life.

Don’t fall into the trap of gauging your own worth by the money you have.

But numbers do track your intentions.

If you set financial goals and create a plan to get there, the results will reflect the effectiveness of your plan.

Plans don’t have to be complex.

You can sock away 10% of what you make.
You can put six month’s income in a special account in case of an unexpected turn of events.
You can ask for a raise.

Those are simple.

So many of my clients think that because they are taking a lot of action they are moving towards their money goals.

But the results tell a different story.

You have to be willing to look at what you TRULY want in life.

If you don’t have the money you want, maybe you value other things more than money.

And that’s OK.
But be in alignment.
Tell yourself the truth.
You may think that you want more money when you actually want time with your family more.

Or it might be you don’t have your plan calibrated.
So tweak it.
No biggie.

Take your blinders off.
Be honest.

Set some intentions.
Set some goals.
Take planned action.

What are your results telling you?

I have a friend who is deciding where to work…where to create her income. 
She decided to do a pro and con list for each place she is considering.

Here is the problem I have with a list of pros and cons:

Once you get to the point where you are writing the list, you are only asking the analyzing part of your brain to make a decision.

You are asking your managing brain to only look at the facts to make a decision.

And there is the thing…
What makes you happy and satisfied are not facts.

You experience the decision through feelings.

Happy is an emotion.
Satisfied is an emotion.
Horrified is an emotion.

So start by using your body to help make your decision.

That’s where your emotions live.

Think about each option and listen to what your body tells you.

Your body may feel light and whisper that you should take the leap.
You may have a knot in your gut telling you to not make that choice.

You may have to get very still and listen very carefully, but your body is always having some sort of reaction to your thinking.

When you join up with your body you are tapping into all of the nonverbal parts of your brain.
You are including the part of you that controls fight or flight.
You are including the part of you that makes sure you get enough rest and food and love.

Your body has what some call a second brain in your gut.
Get quiet enough to hear what your gut says about choices in your money life.

Our culture has gone way overboard in doing all of our decision-making in our prefrontal cortex.
And how is that working for us as a culture?

As a whole we are stressed and time crunched and overweight.

Let’s even out the mind/body information gathering.

Sure, if all things feel equal, resort to the list of pros and cons.

But keep in mind that your analyzing mind is less likely to tell you the truth,
while your body never lies.