The first step to change your money situation is to reveal your own money story.

Yes, I know you think you don’t have a story about money… money is just money.

But we all have a story just by being alive and living around other people.

It’s the rules we have in our head about what money means.

And what we have to do about it.
And how important it is.

A lot of your money story is hidden.

We all tend to hide from our money truth.
We think it’s just fact.

My father was a banker, so I have all sorts of money stories based on things I heard as a little girl.
My sister told me that when she got her first bank account Mom told her that Dad would lose his job at the bank if she bounced a check.

Wow. That’s a pretty powerful story. I’m sure that type of story has colored both of our money thinking.

It’s not fact. It’s just a story.

Sit down with a piece of paper and write down every fear you have about money.
Write down every thought that directs how you exchange money for other things.

Your first step toward your money story is to do a thought download.

When you are doing this money story detective work, think about all of the people who have influenced you.

Some prompts I use with my clients are:

• What did your parents teach you about money?
• Did they teach you that money is scarce?
• What did you pick up from being around your teachers, friends, spouse and bosses?
• Did they teach you that if you have more money someone else has less?

Then for each money thought ask yourself, “Is it true?”

Is it really true that there is not enough money?
Is it really true that you are not good with money?
Is it really true that people who have more money are more successful?

The vast majority of the time, the answer is no.

You can’t prove it’s true.

This step alone can take away a layer of hopelessness and anxiety.

The more you do this exercise the more your money story will match the truth.
The more you do this exercise the more you create space for money in your life.
You will more closely align your values with how you interact with money.

Lay aside the stories that have been in the shadows of your mind driving your money life.
Its time to know the truth about your money.
And the best part is that the truth always feels better.

This summer my sister, Gayle, and I helped my mother move into a continuing care community. We then tackled the task of finding homes for all the rest of her worldly belongings.

Most of it went to Goodwill and Salvation Army as well as friends and needy friends of friends.

Some of it… the mountains of slides and family papers… we are still sorting through.

But a big chunk of her beautiful furniture and paintings went to my sister, not me.

Why?

Because she recently bought a second home in the mountains of North Carolina.

She has space for things.

Am I jealous?

Not one tiny iota.

We both delight when the other finds a place for something of Mom’s we both love.

As two adult daughters, we have already fully furnished and filled our homes.

But what I realized was this: Gayle’s receiving of these riches was a perfect metaphor for receiving any riches.

You have to allow space to receive.

I find I do that with relationships.

On one hand I would like to fill my life with structured activities.
(I love me some structure. I find it lets me relax.) But I keep my schedule flexible so when my daughter wants to do the jumble in the newspaper, I’m available.

I’m free to drive a friend to the airport or let out my next door neighbor’s dog.

When it comes to relationships, I have allowed space to receive.
I get all the riches.

I’ve got enough stuff in my house.

This thing with my sister worked out perfectly.

Where do you need to allow space to receive?

Our brains think that we are going to progress.

We are going to make more money than our parents.

We are going to be able to help our kids monetarily.

If we work hard enough we will accumulate all the things… the cars and house and clothes and toys.

We think that ten years from now we will be smarter and healthier and happier and richer.

But life doesn’t always work that way.

If you don’t have the money you used to have, (or thought you would have) you may need to grieve that loss.

Even if that loss isn’t real.

Grieve that the dream is over.

Allow yourself.

Stop telling the well-intentioned lie that you need to take care of your children first.
Or your friends.
Or your family.

This time take care of yourself first.
Grieving is self care.

Grieve the life you won’t have.

Don’t spend the rest of your life negotiating your happiness.
“I will be happy once I have X amount of money.”

Grieve fully.
FEEL IT.
Don’t fight it.

Fighting it only ramps it up.

But then, when your grief lessens, open your eyes to how the universe is bestowing its riches on you.

Don’t give your power away to something you can’t control.

Grief is an amazing healing process.
Do it without the judgment and blame and hate.

Life doesn’t always work the way we think it is supposed to.
But sometimes it delivers things in a more deeply rich way.

The trick is to be open to seeing the riches come in a different way than you expected.