Worry about money is universal… it crosses all income levels. There are multimillionaires who are more worried about money than people on welfare.

I know a woman who has millions who thinks she is on the brink of losing everything and moving in with relatives. She clips coupons and makes her own clothes. She has a large garden and tries to grow as much of her food as possible.

Does this seem smart or ludicrous to you?

That’s what is so fascinating.

Some people think she is wise and that’s how she kept so much money that came into her life… by living frugally.

Some people think she is crazy to live in such fear. They think she is missing out.

And the thing is, either of these could be true.
The important part is how this woman thinks.
Why is she making these choices?

What does she value?

We don’t know what is going on inside her head.
But what we think of her does give us a clue as to what WE value.

We all have these unconscious rules in our heads that show themselves in how we spend our money.

The quickest way to see what you REALLY value.
not what you say you value,
and not even what you THINK you value,

but what you truly value is to look at your bank statement.

Take a look at what you are spending your money on this month.
THAT’s what is important to you.

Does it match with what you say is important?

You KNOW that stuff doesn’t fill your soul.
Having more THINGS doesn’t create happiness.

You know this in your intellectual brain but underneath you still want the stuff.

It seems like one part of our brain wants to get more stuff and sneaks out and spends while the managing part of our brain is goofing off.

Underneath the intellectual knowing better…
Underneath the wanting more stuff…
There is another layer.

The real wanting.

What you REALLY want is to feel freedom…
to feel abundant.

You want to not have to worry that you will have enough.
Or be enough.

But here you are, still trying to feel better by getting the stuff.
Having the stuff.

We all do it. We feel a bit better with the dopamine hit that comes from buying ourselves a new pair of shoes. Or eating out. Or spending money on other people.

Stuff is a quick fix.
It won’t fix our problems or make us feel better for the long term.

The trick is figuring out what will fill up your soul.

Relaxing into your desires and filling yourself up with the real stuff will quiet your lizard brain.

Nurture yourself.
I know it seems counterintuitive.
We are so used to beating ourselves up after overspending.

But nurturing yourself is honoring yourself enough to be still and listen for that inner voice that is whispering your true desires.

Put down the credit card and feel inward.

Connection, integrity, love, confidence: These are some of the things that fill me up.

How about you?

The first time I heard about bag lady syndrome was from Martha Beck.

It’s the fear that no matter how much money you have, you are going to lose it all, become destitute and end up being a bag lady living under the highway pushing around all of your belongings in a shopping cart.

Let me stress that it doesn’t matter how much money you have. 
I have coached women with millions of dollars who wake up at night in fear of losing it all and living on the streets.

You can try to fix this phenomenon with budgets and spreadsheets and plans, but that’s not what bag lady syndrome is about.

It’s about feeling out of control.
It’s about not feeling safe.

Bag lady syndrome is about fear and scarcity.
It’s largely an irrational fear but it feels very real.

I know because I spent the majority of my life with some version of bag lady syndrome.

It’s quite dramatic and feels like the truth.

And yet, I don’t know a single peer who has lost everything and had to live on the street.

My intellectual mind knows that such a fall is unlikely.
But the part of me that is animal thinks there is danger.
The primal part of me thinks there isn’t enough.

It thinks there is uncertainty in the world of finance and life as I know it could disappear in an instant.

One of our base fears is feeling unsafe.

How do you feel safer about money?

It’s how you feel safe in general.

​​​​​​​Do what you would to calm a small child.
Start by swaddling yourself.
(This is, after all, a primal fear.)

Take a deep breath and tell yourself the truth: The truth is you will be able to figure it out.

Write down what you would do if you lost everything.
You have the answer inside you.

Experts say that when women worry about money they are worried about safety.
Men, not as much.

That rings true to me.

There is no “Bag Man Syndrome”.
Men think they can figure money out.

That clue can help women too.

Look for evidence in your life that you can figure money out.
MAKE some evidence for yourself that you can figure money out.

That’s the good work.
That’s the magic.

That’s what I help women do every day.