I had a lovely reminder this week that we create what we seek to escape.
By trying to avoid something we fear, we draw it to ourselves.
Catch 22ish.
Our thoughts, like “My kids should come home for Mother’s Day,” create feelings like hurt and sorrow, which drive us to take actions like being a little withdrawn when the kids do call, which creates the result of everyone not feeling as connected, which in turn creates even less of a chance of the kids coming home the following year.
Simply put:
CIRCUMSTANCE: My kids don’t come see me on Mother’s Day.
THOUGHT: My kids should come home for Mother’s Day.
Creates the FEELING: Hurt.
Which creates the ACTION: I am hurt/cagey on the Mothers’ Day phone call.
Which creates the RESULT: None of us feel connected.
Which brings about the original fear… less of a chance of the kids coming home next year.
Apply it to any fear you have.
Your thoughts cause your feelings which causes your actions which creates your results.
And your results always reinforce your original thought.
Powerful stuff.
Thanks to the lovely woman who quoted this back to me, which reminded me to share the fundamentals of the work I do with you.
We all know that you can’t buy happiness. But…
Money eliminates UNhappiness.
At least for the basic costs to support yourself and your family.
So, if your basic needs are met, what then?
Harvard Professor Arthur Brooks says there are four pillars on which a happy life is built:
- Friendship
- Family
- Faith (this does not have to be religious)
- Fulfilling Work
I love this list because it’s a quick checklist I can run through my head when I am making a decision.
If my choice doesn’t fall into one of these categories, I’m not getting the most bang for my buck.
A lot of happy feelings can be built ON these pillars: Gratitude, self-care, giving, goal achieving, accountability, kindness, meaningful relationships, buying a boat, etc.
But without the foundation of these pillars, everything feels a bit unbalanced.
When I am feeling like something is missing in my life, I ask myself, “Where is my tank a little low… friendship, family, faith or fulfilling work?”
Give it a try.
You have heard it all.
Eat less, move more.
Spend less, invest more.
Life can only be lived in the moment you are experiencing.
Blah, blah, blah. Sigh.
But knowing and doing are two separate things.
It is applying what you know that trips most people up.
Why aren’t you doing what you know you should do?
Doing what you want to do?
Doing what you said you would do?
Inertia is real.
If a goal of yours comes to mind, what is one small, teeny thing you could do to move in that direction?
What could get the ball rolling if only a hundredth-of-an-inch in the direction you want?
That might be all it takes to create forward motion.
But if you still feel stuck…
What is holding you back from doing what you know to do?
Does it seem too hard?
Do you have to get uncomfortable to take the next step?
Are you in confusion?
Are you waiting for the next right step to magically appear before you commit?
If you can’t think of what to do, or if you don’t know what is stopping you, hop on a call with me. I am trained to spot what is keeping you from applying all of your wisdom to your life.
I think you will be surprised.
You talk. BOOM… I spot it.
Some times it seems like a scary-good superpower.
Maybe all you need is 30 minutes with a coach to hit reset and have a clear action step to take towards your goal.
You know what to do. Let me help you apply it to your life.