I need to talk to you.

You’re the one who’s a little worried about next year.

The going-to-college year.

 

The unknown.

 

You are taking the leap that it’s going to be good, maybe even great.

You are going because that’s the thing that comes next.

 

But when things are quiet.

During the pauses.

The enormity looms large.

 

And I am here to tell you that it is going to be all right.

It’s going to be okay.

Because coming of age at 18 is when everyone is thrown in the deep water.

 

Because this is the time you get to challenge yourself.

Not with academics, but with your adapting skills.

 

Skills like boundary setting and changing your thoughts and listening to your internal guidance system.

 

It might seem like they aren’t very important.
The skills, that is.

It might seem like there aren’t any skills to adapting, change is just something that happens to you.

But that’s our bad.

We all focus so much on academics, I can see how you would get that idea.

 

Adapting skills are some of the most important skills in life.

At any age.

Because it’s not just college.

Things keep changing your whole life.

 

Adapting is a lot like surfing.

You live in constant creative response to what is right in front of you.

Right this minute.

 

And like surfing, you don’t stand up on the board and do it perfectly the first time.
You expect to suck at first.
But with practice you learn.

And that’s how adapting skills are too.

You suck at first.

You stumble.

You botch a few.

And then you get smoother.

And eventually you incorporate them and they aren’t skills. It’s just one more thing you do well.

 

All this icky feeling?

It’s just how it feels to grow.

And you can even learn to look forward to this feeling, because once there, you will see that on the far side of this feeling the far side is oh so sweet.

There are always some negative emotions when you go to college.

That’s just how change works.

And the thing we’ve learned to do is avoid those emotions.

That’s not so good.
Now is the time to find some other ways to deal with negative emotions like being sad or scared or bored, other than numbing your feelings with the computer and phone and IPad and TV.

Your parents were lucky enough not to have a quick way to numb the loneliness.

There weren’t any cell phones.
Not everyone had computers.

When you don’t have phones or computers or TVs everywhere, what’s the only option? Get out of your room and talk to people.

That’s what your parents experienced.

So that sort of sucks for you that you have all this juicy stuff at your fingertips.

The latest and greatest.

Sorry.

But what can you do about it?

When you get lonely (or any bad feeling),

try taking the earbuds out, and feel your feelings.

Don’t numb. Just feel.

The more you push down the bad feelings, the more it festers.

 

Just feel them.

Most bad feelings pass through your body within 90 seconds.

You can handle 90 seconds.

 

And sometimes it comes in waves.

But the waves get further and further apart.

 

And because you don’t have your earbuds in, you may meet someone who makes you a little less lonely 🙂

The first thing to do in any transition is to love yourself.

I know, I know, it sounds cheesy.

But if you don’t love yourself, you’re going to look for love and comfort outside of yourself.

Well, you can imagine the kind of trouble that could get you into.

Girlfriends who take advantage of you.

Boyfriends who don’t have your interest at heart.

Too much food, drink, drugs, shopping, sex, etc. Basically, anything that lights up the dopamine reward receptors in your brain.

Instead of love from outside yourself, make it an inside job.

Try this:

Make a list of all the things you love about yourself.

Write it in the notes section of your phone.

That’s worth your screen time.

 

And once you love yourself, any love from outside yourself is like the cherry on top.